“Woah that’s weird. Why is our [Beijing version of a] tuk-tuk driver wildly shoulder checking like that all of a sudden?”
“What? Why is he crossing over into oncoming traffic now?”
“U-turn!? But he was headed straight for our hotel?? Maybe there’s a short cut we don’t know?”
“Umm….. Ok there’s a dude sprinting after us on foot now. He’s got a stick or something in his hand. Something is up guys. Jen….. get his 50 out. I think we may need to abort this mission home in a hurry here…”
No News is Good News
I think back to the years leading up to our Africa trip that started a decade ago in 2006. “What is this world coming to? Planes flying into buildings?? Terrorists sending envelopes filled with Anthrax? Is it safe to leave our houses anymore? Someone! Catch that man in the turban and kill him!!”
And then we flew to Milan, Italy.
And then we eventually took a boat from Sicily to Tunisia.
Perhaps six to eight months of getting ourselves down to Zanzibar for a sort of vacation from the vacation. All but trouble free.
I can remember sitting at a beach bar sipping my Tusker beer. The bar had a TV hung up behind it and there was some video of the most wanted man in the world: Osama Bin Laden. Ho-ly shit. I had all but completely forgotten that that guy even existed.
THAT there was my golden moment. That moment where I realized:
- The news is 99.9% (Boots’ est.) complete, sensational bullshit that you don’t need to (and very much should not) watch. Almost none of it matters to you. It really doesn’t. It is a plague on the human brain. It makes us suspect and hate our neighbours. It does (almost) nothing but damage to our society. It does not matter (to you) that a tornado tore through a trailer park in Oklahoma. It does not matter (to you) that Islamic extremists are doing awful things in some far off country. It does not matter (to you) that there are a bunch of redneck assholes voting for one of the richest men in America to be the next president.
- There is no Hawthorn effect when it comes to the news. That is to say, you observing it does not in any way affect it’s outcome. The world continues to turn without you watching it. What will be will be.
- Looking at the news stresses me out. So it must stress you out too. And stress is not good. They call stress the “silent killer”. So stop looking at the news.
The concept of Facebook is actually a fairly good one. Or at least I thought. A great way to keep in touch with people you see less often. But unfortunately that isn’t really what it has evolved to be. It is now barely anything more than just an extension of the six o’clock news. I have a really hard time looking at it anymore, for that reason.
Twitter and all that other stuff is even worse.
A mere two weeks has past since we left home (holy shit, that’s it!?). And I am starting to feel great. Almost completely stress-free. I have no idea who won the primaries in Ohio. Actually, I don’t even really know if that statement makes sense, because I don’t really understand how any of that shit works. And I’m glad. Because it doesn’t affect me in any way. So why should I care.
Trip update: Beijing
With the man on foot now well behind us, another driver in a matching electric death machine swerves towards us, nearly side-swiping our vehicle. The two drivers start shouting at each other. A few evasive maneuvers by our driver with a few more near sideswipes (me thinking about how three-wheeled vehicles have long been banned back home due to them being prone to rollovers). Alas, our driver’s apparent opponent gets us pinned up against the fence in the middle of one of Beijing’s moderately sized 8-lane thoroughfares.
As the two men start grappling with one another, I give a quick shoulder check to make sure we aren’t going to be smeared on the pavement by one of Beijing’s not-giving-a-fuck drivers. Our driver won’t take our money through the window from Jen (he’s a little preoccupied at this point) so she drops it on the back seat. The three of us pop out and carefully race to the side of the street towards safety.
Of course the debate begins about whether our vehicles had collided or what, but there was clearly some history there. And then of course within a few minutes, laughter overcomes us, and we begin to relish the fact that a great, unforgettable chapter has just been added to the book. (of life, that is) And as we exit the subway tunnel on the other side of the road, we see from a distance a cop car is now pulling away from the scene, and no one is lying dead on the ground. Water under the bridge I guess.
I should point out these little units don’t seem to be able to go any faster than around 30kph (barely faster than a sprinting Chinese man, in fact). So I don’t think we were ever in a HUGE amount of danger. Other than perhaps one of the seven million cars that reside in Beijing I suppose. It felt a bit like we were in a smashup derby driving steamrollers from the Austin Powers movie.
We ended up spending a total of four days in Beijing. Our final four days in China, in fact. A few days for sightseeing, and a day or so for any last-minute preparations before boarding the train to Ulan Batar, Mongolia.
The fateful Tiananmen Square sits smack dab in the centre of Beijing. Our hotel was maybe a ten minute walk from there. You think it’s a pain getting through security at an American airport? You haven’t seen security if you haven’t been to Tiananmen Square. It’s really something else. No entering the Square during an hour in the morning when the flag is raised, same with an hour in the evening for the contrary. The Square closes at night of course. If you can find a time when they DO let you in, once you’ve waded through the potentially MASSIVE lineups at the gate, there are x-ray machines, pat downs, and possibly even id checking. There are police marching around everywhere.
A whole bunch of stuff connects to the Square (Mao’s mosoleum, the national museum, etc, etc). As well as the Forbidden City which is certainly the number one tourist attraction in Beijing. The ancient palace is massive, with thousands of rooms for viewing, though you could actually enter very few of them. Which is probably a good thing given the number of tourists crammed in there with us.
Just outside the north gate is Jingshan park. It has a temple-y thing at the top with a nice view. the hill it sits on is actually manmade from the dirt dredged out of the moat around the Forbidden City. Great spot for us to enjoy a couple sundowner brewskies!
Peking or Beijing?
As it turns out, Beijing has always been Beijing to Beijingers (Mandarin speakers). Peking is in fact the Cantonese name (ie. from Hong Kong), which is why that might be what you know. Because Hong Kong is more closely tied to the West.
You know how some big cities have ring roads around them? For example, London? Beijing actually has five ring roads (actually it might have more). And 27,000,000 people. It’s the third largest city in China. When you look on a map and see something is super close to you and you can easily walk, it actually takes you at least an hour to walk there. Everything is huge.
Possibly the second most popular tourist attraction in Beijing is the Summer Palace. Which is where royalty used to go to get to the countryside. Of course it is now well-embedded in the urban sprawl, and has three convenient subway stops to get off of for a visit. Another nice walk up and down the mound in the middle with a temple at the top. And Lake Kunming right beside it all – another good spot for an evening sundowner or two.
Summer Palace view
“Selfie sticks”. You haven’t seen them in use quite like they are in use in China. It is truly a whole other level. It has been a couple of years since our last overseas trip and at first I wondered if it is like this everywhere now. But in fact I don’t think so. I think it’s just China.
One last highlight in need of pointing out, on our very last evening in China: a trip to see the Chinese acrobats. Wow. If you ever have the chance, go see the Chinese acrobats (third best experience of the trip so far, below the Terracotta Warriors perhaps??). Check out the video I shot 😉
And as we sit here on the train, northbound, at the start of our many-thousands-of-kilometres train journey, I think back and ponder my first Chinese experience. I think we all feel like it is the right time to move on. Probably mostly because we’ve spent so much time surrounded by people and traffic in enormous cities. A trip to the countryside might be all that’s actually required to remedy that. Of course the brain is very good at time management: if we knew were going to be in China for two months, we would probably be feeling just fine right now.
Summer palace temple
All the food we have eaten in China has been top notch. We have eaten everything from “Chinese Hamburgers” on the street, to bowls of mysteriousness we’ve ordered by pointing at things on the wall, to lamb shanks prepared by the presidents ex-chef at one of Beijing’s high-end restaurants. All of it, awesome.
Accommodations have been a mixed bag, but just fine. Shanghai’s “Four Seasons” hotel with nightly batches of call girl cards being stuffed under our door. Not the Four Seasons we know from home. Xian’s tired feeling Bell Tower hotel with it’s cigarette smoke-filled hallways. But a great shower and incredible view. And then our little courtyard hotel in Beijing, my favourite of the three. All hotels in the $80 – $100 / night range. A fair bit more than I expected, but not unreasonable.
Forbidden city exit
There are public toilets EVERYWHERE. And frankly, all the ones I saw are actually decent enough. I came to this country filled with feelings of dread about the bathroom situation (weaved from stories from friends who have been). But actually if you can get used to the squatter, you’ll do just fine. I never even needed the wad of napkins I’m always sure to keep in my back pocket.
Forbidden city thingy
The language I guess is a little bit tough – there is very little English so a lot of pointing and gesturing. But you get what you need. If you are buying tickets at a train station, you find a way to make sure you get what you need.
Jingshan park flowers
Anyway! Onto other pastures. Tonight at around 10pm we get off the train for around four hours while each train car is pain-stakenly swapped to a different set of wheels. Ones that match the opposing rail gauge that lines the rest of the world. Yet both rail gauges are fully functional and fully in use in different parts of the world.
Somehow perfectly representative of the country we are about to leave.
Jingshan park sundowner